


Artless - Not Brazen

by OlkarianPrincess, Strugglintoast



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bad Cooking, Crack, Humor, Other, The Author Regrets Everything, Truth Serum, Truth Spells
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 05:20:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12474376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OlkarianPrincess/pseuds/OlkarianPrincess, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strugglintoast/pseuds/Strugglintoast
Summary: Hunk made a mistake, a huge mistake. The mushrooms that he included in Team Voltron's colorful dinner were alien in origin and deadly in nature. They contained a terrible, terrible substance: Truth serum.





	Artless - Not Brazen

**Author's Note:**

> A collab crack fic between StrugglingToast and OlkarianPrincess. Alternating authorship of chapters. Ships? Who knows. Spoilers? Who knows. What will happen here? You guessed it: No one knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOHOO
> 
> For Season 4 collabs, writing this terrible fic with @StrugglingToast. We're alternating chapters with nothing but a prompt and the previous chapter to go on. And no discussion of plot. RIP.
> 
> When does this take place? Who knows. It'll be decided I'm sure. Is it spoiler free? Probably not???? I don't know anything don't ask me.

Dinner was extraordinary...if you asked everyone but Coran. He elected to stay away from the colorful meal that Hunk had thrown together in favor of his green space goo. After all, a boring diet is a healthy diet! Everyone else, however, agreed that dinner was wonderful. Hunk had masterfully combined a variety of local vegetation (which he had crossed-reference in Pidge's "Journal of Space Things" to confirm that nothing they consumed was toxic) with several Altean spices and a few key ingredients that he'd picked up on Olkarion. The delicious dish, garnished with a few small purple mushrooms that, quite frankly, completed the meal, was consumed rather quickly by the hungry Team Voltron. Hunk was so delighted at his work that he even saved a bowl to send to their  _ unwanted guest’s _ room.

“Huuuunk,” Pidge groaned, “Let me eat it. He won’t want it. Pleeeeease.”

“Hunk, my buddy my man,” Lance wrapped his arm around Hunk’s shoulder, “we’re best friends aren’t we?”

“What? No. We’re the science trio!” Matt rose to his feet and joined Pidge.

“But Hunk and I were friends before we met Pidge!” Lance complained.

“Paladins!” Allura yelled, slamming her hands on the table as she stood. She met Hunk’s eyes with her intense glare, “Hunk, as a Princess, I feel that it is my right to get the rest of the food.”

The entire dining area erupted into a cacophony of yells as the paladins fought over who would get the saved portion of food. Coran sat in the corner with the mice, twirling his moustache and shaking his head at his ridiculous crew. Secretly, he thought about taking the last bowl and enjoying it in his room. Quiznak healthy diets.

“Guys, guys,” Hunk put out his hands, “you can’t eat it. I’m taking it with me.”

He sealed the container and left the room, ignoring his friends’ whines.

“I’m disappointed in you!” he called as he walked down the hallway.

How he was able to tell that the paladins were peering out the doorway to stare at them, they didn’t know.

“Especially you Shiro! I thought you were better than this!”

Pidge elbowed Shiro in the ribs and he withdrew from the doorway, covering his face in his palm.

“Well that’s over, what’s next?” Lance spoke up. “Up for some training?”

His question was directed at Keith.

Hours passed and the residents of the Castle of Lions fell into a peaceful sleep, their stomachs full of exquisite food and their minds at rest - well, most of their minds. It wasn’t until 02:00 the next day that the incident occurred. It took them that long to notice that something was amiss. Pidge had assumed that, when Shiro came to fetch her from her lab in the late hours of the night, the warmth in her chest was a symptom of drowsiness and the comment that slipped from her lips (that is, the little remark of how deep and brown his eyes were) was nothing more than fatigue talking. And Shiro had thought the same. Lance had been happy when Keith answered that he hadn’t slept well, not because Lance wanted his friend to suffer, but because Keith was finally opening up to him. Hunk was well aware of Coran’s general...well...his Coran-ness, and only blushed in response to the Altean’s awe at his new outfit (Keith had picked it out for him on Dobomar). And so it was that no one noticed a thing until 02:00.

It was Lance that had brought the issue to their awareness. The residents of the castle, one particular individual notwithstanding, were joined on the bridge when Lance saw Shiro adjusting a lock of his hair that had fallen out of place.

“If you’re going to fix it, I’d suggest changing it back to that cool haircut you used to have. This one is lame.”

Lance had broken Rule #1 in the castle: Don’t mention Shiro’s hair to Shiro.

The entire room, including Lance, stopped. Everyone held their breath as they awaited a response from Shiro. And then Matt entered the bridge.

“Hey I was checking....what’s going on?”

Pidge broke the silence, “Lance broke Rule #1.”

Matt’s eyes widened as he kept walking, but he missed his step. “He waaaaaaaa-”

Lance broke out into a fit of laugher, “That wasn’t smooth, you incredibly handsome but lovable dork.”

The former Blue Paladin’s fingers flew to cover his mouth.

“What’s wrong with my hair!” Shiro finally yelled, and pandemonium broke out.

“Matt are you okay? I’m really concerned about you and feel kind of bad for laughing-” Pidge joined Lance in self-imposed silence, clamping a hand over her own mouth.

“What is going on? Are you doing drugs? Wait that’s not what I meant to ask. It’s what I was thinking but, oh dear,” Allura rambled as the words spilling from her mouth distracted her from Lance.

“Do you think Allura will tend to me now that I’m injured?” Matt asked Pidge rather loudly while his sister inspected his arm.

“What is wrong with my hair??? I know you all hated the long hair but is this really all that bad? Will it hurt my chances with-”

“With who?” Keith interrupted Shiro, but his voice was barely distinguishable in the chaos.

“It would be hilarious is Shiro had a thing for Kolivan,” Hunk stated, crouching down to join Pidge in her attempt to aid Matt.

“What the Blade of Marmora doesn’t know...” Pidge added.

“Hey! Cut that out!” Keith was torn between questioning Shiro and making sure nothing bad was said about the Blade, “And it would be weird if Shiro was interested in the man I consider my father figure. Oh quiznak.”

“QUIET!”

Coran’s voice silenced the bunch.

He adjusted his shirt before speaking, “Humph. You sound like a bunch of squabbling fatrokers. Now, let’s get something straight. I want to know exactly what’s going on here. Lance-” he thrusted his finger at the paladin.

“Yes?” Lance’s voice wavered.

“What is your first name?” Coran’s question was simple.

“Lance?” the paladin responded.

All eyes were on the pair talking.

“And what do you and Pidge do when the two of you sneak off?”

Lance gave Pidge a quick glance, making sure that she was holding Matt back before he answered.

“We...we go to my room and she lets my style her hair because it reminds me of my sisters.”

“Awww-” 

“Zip!” Coran cut Allura off. “My apologies princess but this is quite troubling. Troubling indeed. Lance and Pidge have been keeping that secret for months, even when questioned before and now they’re honest? I fear it can only be one thing.”

“Truth serum,” a voice cut in from the entrance to the bridge.

Everyone turned, their gazes solely focused on the newcomer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TAG YOU'RE IT.
> 
> (@our poor readers, feel free to share your terrible ideas of where this terrible fic should go. Or maybe it won't be terrible after Toast gets her hands on it. o.O We'll see. Even I don't know what's going to happen next.)


End file.
